ELIZA ARCHER: Not So Happy
In the castle dungeon, seven little men were strung up, waiting for a turn on the rack. “All right,” said the Prince, flicking his whip, “anyone want to confess? No? Then let’s begin. You’re up first,...
View ArticleSTUART TURNBULL: Salad
“A salad,” she ordered, waving the unopened menu. “Certainly. Which salad would you like?” She looked up, momentarily, then back to the phone. “I don’t care. A salad, with leaves and salad stuff in...
View ArticleBRENDA ANDERSON: Granny Nanny
Granny Nanny’s mean. She dances to pounding music then oils her knees. I hide the oil can. She creaks and freezes, right in front of the fridge. I’m starving. I can’t reach the handle. I’m too small to...
View ArticleCHAD GREENE: A Grande Americano
“A grande Americano,” said the barista, smirking, “for…” “Don’t say it,” I snapped, plunging my hand threateningly into the tip jar on the corner of the counter in the coffee shop. “…A grande...
View ArticleJOEY TO: Care Factor
I try to think things through, think things through, I always do. But no, they all know better, those big-shot managers. They don’t listen, they don’t care, no they don’t. But when it goes wrong, they...
View ArticleMICHAEL MCKINNON: Last Words
It was too perfect, as beautiful and poetic as she was. He would read her last text a hundred times a day, trying to pull a deeper meaning from those four words. He had to understand: had she seen it...
View ArticlePETER LI-PING: A Reason to Believe
Once upon a time, in a faraway land, lived a beautiful princess. She was bored. She decided to write stories. “Write what you know,” someone told her once. “No one will ever read them,” she thought....
View ArticleAUBREY LLOYD: The Cruise
James opened the cabin door and let it slam behind him. “What’s the matter, dear?” “People need to leave their kids at home when they go on a cruise. Swimming in the pool was impossible!” “You better...
View ArticleJOHN H DROMEY: Bottle, Schmottle, So Long As It’s Wet
Tex, a cowboy set in his ways, died hard. He emptied both six-shooters into a vampire before losing the fight. Old habits die hard, too: in life, Tex had been accustomed to drinking Long Necks. No...
View ArticlePHILIP ZUNZUNCITO SEQUOIA: Assertive
“Phooey to you!” I said to Russell. Sometimes you just have to stand up for yourself and tell someone Phooey. “You heard me,” I added, a little louder this time. “I told you Phooey!” Russell blushed...
View ArticleTL KRAWEC: Birthday Boy
The birthday boy got a parrot because he loved pirates. He also received hardtack and salted meat. He ate them every day. “Yarr!” he shouted, chewing the unchewable and waving his cutlass. No fruit all...
View ArticleJOEY TO: Spurnerella
You like my shoes? My silver dress, too? Thanks, they’re new. Don’t dance, no I don’t, just here with some friends. Go dance with her. You did before. Not your type? So not my problem. Puhleez, don’t...
View ArticleCONNELL WAYNE REGNER: Spicing Up a Dish
“I love to see a man cooking. It’s something sexy to see the pot being mixed and the vegetables added. The aroma is out of this world. Mind you, only a man could spice up a dish like that.” “You’re...
View ArticleHARRY DEMAREST: The Best School District in the USA
Once it was the worst. Now the teachers all get merit pay increases, the superintendent wins national awards, the average SAT is 2303, and all graduates go to Harvard. Actually, the only graduate. They...
View ArticleNATHAN GOODROE: A Little After 8:30
Harold Hipps didn’t know the IHOP he decided to rob that Tuesday morning was hosting the annual Catawaba Falls law enforcement breakfast. He also didn’t initially think much of the two men in suits...
View ArticlePHILIP ZUNZUNCITO SEQUOIA: Hot Under the Collar
Do I look to you as though I’ve recently suffered spontaneous human combustion, you silly man? I say of you, Lawrence, what I have always said: that you are a silly man. Wait. Perhaps that charred...
View ArticleJOHN H DROMEY: Camera-Shy
“I’m worried about our youngest daughter,” a concerned parent said. “Why’s that?” “I’ve been monitoring Carrie’s online activity. In recent weeks, she’s posted dozens of photos on social media sites,...
View ArticleKEVIN MCMANUS: Bedside Manner
My surgeon departs the room. With a reassuring smile, the anesthesiologist tells me to count down from 100. 98, 97, 96… Before leaving, he farts loudly. He turns to me with a menacing look. I close my...
View ArticleHARRY DEMAREST: The Bizzaro Fiction Contest
They wanted stories too grotesque, outlandish, and offensive to be published on FiftyWordStories.com or any mainstream web or print publication. I selected three stories from my bottom drawer, stories...
View ArticleARTHUR BROWN: The Learner Experience
I’m late for the lesson. Old Crouch the Grouch smiles pleasantly. I sit down. Why isn’t he screaming at me for being late? What’s all this coloured Plasticine for on the desks? Why’s that music...
View Article