JOHN SHEIRER: Bad Penny
The random coin Fred got in change at the coffee shop was so worn and grimy that he had to rub it vigorously with this thumb, hold it right up to his face, and squint to read the date. Yep, that’s what...
View ArticleNICK: On the Third Day
Tragically, we found our cat dead in the garden, so we buried him beneath the pear tree, covering him with a stone. But then three days later our cat returned. There are only two options, I’ve deduced....
View ArticleJOHN H DROMEY: A Christmas Peril
Billy was not a fan of practical yuletide gifts, but his mother insisted he show his gratitude by writing a note for every present he received, including the monogramed handkerchiefs. He complied....
View ArticleGUY PRESTON: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Inflation hit everybody hard, Santa included. Carrot prices had skyrocketed, and hungry reindeer could hardly pull a sleigh. Santa emptied his sack into the reindeer pen, ignoring the crunch of tooth...
View ArticleCAROL BROWNE: Heads Will Roll
Their heads must be cut off today and he was the one to do it. It was his job. There was no need for remorse. Their time was up. Their lives were over, their beauty spent. And the garden would look...
View ArticleALLEN LANG: The Horse Tenor
“You told Caligula you could teach his horse to sing?” “He gave me a year.” “If you fail?” “Then off with my head! But I’m not worried.” “Why not?” “In a year, the Emperor could die. Or the horse. Or...
View ArticleALISON COOPER: Wild Thing
I cannot subdue this creature that flaps wildly against the wind which barrels down the beach. I lose my grip and it wrenches free, wheeling in defiant flight over churning waters. I watch it collapse...
View ArticleSALLY BASMAJIAN: All-Nighter Agony
“Merry Christmas!” She held out a box wrapped in spangles and mystery. “Stuff it,” he replied, pulling the bedclothes over his head and tunneling down into fetid oblivion. “You’ll have to come out...
View ArticleGARTH PETTERSON: Intrusion
The old mansion groaned. The man climbing her creaking stairs didn’t stop and admire her best features; his eyes—like those of others—were set on rumored riches. The sound of his scream as he broke...
View ArticleLEE DeAMALI: Holiday Paddy Wagon
Cop cars escort an open flatbed truck, stopping at every block with bullhorn announcements. Residents of all ages come out to cheer as frightened youngsters are enticed to climb aboard the fat...
View ArticleDANIEL SLATEN: All Sales Are Final
He plopped his broken heart down on the counter and angrily demanded a refund. “I can’t help you,” said the clerk. “Read the fine print in your contract. They all break at some point.” “What am I...
View ArticleCANDACE KUBINEC: An Open Letter To My Cat
In spite of your exalted status, you are not invited to sit at the dinner table. We will not save you a chair or set a place for you, and you will not be considered a centerpiece. I left the letter on...
View ArticleBRUCE MEREDITH: Surface Area
“Surface area is easy to calculate.” Chalk squeaked. Equations appeared. The teacher picked up a wooden box and a steel ruler. “All that’s needed is a good ruler and the right formula.” The box...
View ArticleGLEN BENISON: Forever and Ever
It’s a lovely name. Four letters, synchronized and encased within a crimson heart. Forever. The joyous pulsing within my heart helps sedate the pain of the ink injections. In the final touches of the...
View ArticleMARY STEER: New Year’s Resolution
Do everything differently from last year. Say “yes” when you would’ve said “no” and “no” when you would’ve said “yes”. Refuse to take “no” for an answer. Take risks. Be daring and bold. Socialize....
View ArticleMICHAEL MARINO: The Ninja’s Epiphany
The ninja kicks in a door, slays bad guys, kicks in a second, slays a few more. Inside door three, it’s a room full of cats, a circus clown who smiles, honks a horn. The ninja turns around slowly,...
View ArticleALLEN LANG: Nightcap
“Your poor, dying husband told you he just wanted some tomato juice.” “Yes. Elmer loves tomato juice.” “You went to buy him some. Where is it?” “All they had were quarts. He won’t live to drink that...
View ArticleJOHN H DROMEY: Boot Spill
“What happened to you, Hank? You’re soaking wet.” “I got caught in a flash flood.” “In the middle of a dry spell on a sunny day?” “Yep. I was in Wilson’s furniture store when a cowboy came in shopping...
View ArticlePAUL BECKMAN: Waiting to be a Good Samaritan
One morning I noticed a lost cat sign on the corner telephone pole. There was the calico’s picture, his name (Toonces), and a phone number. Four days later, written in red: “$100 reward!” After the...
View ArticleGUY PRESTON: Birthday Present From a Time-Traveling Romantic
I studied under Sinatra for years, learned guitar from Clapton, and pondered the language of love with Shakespeare himself. I wrote a ballad that stilled the wind and made the moon blush, and serenaded...
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