JOHN M FLOYD: Mom’s the Word
“A 50-word story? Impossible.” “You’re wrong.” “Try it.” “Okay: Honey, I’m pregnant.” “What?” “Just kidding.” “Not funny.” “How about: I’m pregnant, and it’s not yours.” “What!?” “Kidding again. How...
View ArticleCONNELL WAYNE REGNER: The Coronavirus (COVID-19)
At the supermarket the toilet paper was out. Shelves were bare. I got home and the news was suggesting that the toilet paper hoarders were using it to protect themselves. It suddenly occurred to me...
View ArticlePAUL HOCK: Gastogne’s Last Review
Wild Edibles Cafe. We’ll see if they’ve improved. Meadow Salad: two-stars, fresh but terrible dressing Venison: one-star, overcooked Wild Mushrooms: five-stars, delicate, flavourful, delicious Wine:...
View ArticleBOB THURBER: Pickled Eggs, Bad Whisky, and Grave Humor
A bartender walks into a joke. “What’ll you have,” says the angel of death. The bartender recognizes the line from a lifetime of jokes. He slides a silver punchline into the chamber. The blast...
View ArticleJOCELYNE GREGORY: Jellyfish
I found a jellyfish washed up on the beach yesterday. It looked like an alien; a strange creature in a strange land. I got a shovel and helped it back into the water. It floated there before waving a...
View ArticleDON NIGRONI: Driveling and Dribbling
“The Governor said our next election will be an all-mail election,” the wife said. “But that would be illegal,” her husband replied. “Why?” “Because of the 19th Amendment.” “What was the 19th...
View ArticleJOHNNY LOWE: What’s the Theme?
“Pride goeth before the fall.” “Excellent,” the professor said. “Ms. West is correct. That is—in essence—the theme of Melville’s novel.” Another student snorted. “Mr. Jones?” “Sorry, sir. It’s...
View ArticlePERRY McDAID: Meeting Adjourned
Salamander called the Legged Reptile Party Conference to order with a wave of a half-regrown forelimb. “Voiccceee your grievances.” Chameleon rolled one eye at the emphasis. “We’re tired of humans’...
View ArticleMARJAN SIERHUIS: Coronavirus Resolutions
Darn the holes in the socks Touch up grey hair roots Get up close and personal with some favorite cooking shows Organize the kitchen cupboards Attack the dust bunnies that reside under the bed Binge...
View ArticleFRANK S RING: Clubbing
I awoke mean and angry. I struggle to keep this dark side of my personality in check. Someone or something will pay dearly, as the club in my hand is a deadly weapon. Every muscle fiber and nerve tense...
View ArticleLISA CHAMBERS: On My Own
My roomie’s rules while isolating: W̶a̶s̶h̶ h̶a̶n̶d̶s̶ a̶f̶t̶e̶r̶ t̶o̶u̶c̶h̶i̶n̶g̶. Don’t touch. Keep your distance. Stock up on essentials (food, milk, etc.). Get plenty of rest. Just as I think I...
View ArticleDANIEL ROGERS: The Fourth Wall
A man walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Is this a joke?” The man replies, “No, it’s purely an imaginary situation because we are currently under strict orders to stay at home as much as possible...
View ArticleTHOMAS A. NORTH: The Wrong Three Words
She entered the hospital room where her husband lay, his eyes bandaged from his accident at work. As she sat beside his bed, he took her hand in his. “Well!” she thought, pleasantly surprised. “He...
View ArticleTOM O’BRIEN: Lunch With the Boss
He’s not as smart as his haircut, nor sharp as his suit, and nowhere near as polished as his shoes. “Bright” would have to be on a triple word score before someone used it about him, but times are...
View ArticleADRI PERSAD: Butterfly Sandwich
The philosopher awoke with a start, lifting his head from the coffee table. He had been dreaming that he was an open-faced peanut butter sandwich with an exhausted drug addict passed out on him. He...
View ArticleGEORGE J SEARLES: Sociologist’s Burden
A much-published academic, Prof. Dennis Wrong was quite a guy. Filled with truly shrewd polemic, his several books rank pretty high. Now this would be all well and fine but for one point adamantine: It...
View ArticleSHARON GERGER: Bear!
I give him a teddy bear and tell him it will keep him company, someone to talk to, while I work. He returns him minutes later, saying the bear won’t stop talking about scratching his bum on trees and...
View ArticleMICHAEL DREZIN: The Brain that Won’t Turn Off
Sometimes I get an idea at 2:00 in the morning, and I have to write it down or else I’ll forget it. That happens to other people, too. When it happens to me, I have to sleep late on the weekends. And...
View ArticleERIC PERSAUD: Roller Skates
My grandpa talks about the good ol’ days, a time when kids chewed dirt and roller skated. I decide to try both. The dirt tastes funny. The skating sores my back. Grandpa humps over. I expect a scold...
View ArticleCHRISTINA MARIE DIAMOND: The Critic
Another day of wonder with my toddler. I can only do so many unique voices and only one at a time. That’s why Mr. Elephant and Mr. Rabbit sound alike. She’s not pleased. I take her notes and will be...
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